Birthdays

 Well, we've just finished celebrating the birthday of our Lord, haven't we. And by now I expect you've taken down all your Christmas decorations and if you're like me, they've all gone back in the loft until next time.

I have a birthday next week, on Tuesday 17th, and I am reminded that as a child I used to insist that the decorations stayed up for my birthday. There was no chance of observing the 12th night rule, as far as I was concerned, they went up for Jesus' birthday and they were staying up for mine! It became a family tradition, however as an adult, a tradition I no longer observe.

    Birthdays were great as a child, not only did you get presents, but you got to be another year older. Another year towards to ultimate goal of being grown up. As children, we almost wish our lives away in our rush to become older don't we.

    Birthday parties at home move to parties in church halls or other out of the house venues and by the time we are teenagers it's a disco in the church hall with around 40 people invited. (Well it was a disco in the church hall in my day!) There is something very special about having a birthday, when you are a child and it's a shame that sense of eager anticipation and excitement doesn't last as we move into adulthood.

To be honest, I can barely remember my birthdays in my twenties, thirties and forties, although I do remember my fortieth one. I think some years I would leave home for work before the family were awake and be back home again so late that my birthday was just another day, you probably know what I mean.

My fiftieth was certainly one to remember, the church tricked me into coming to what I thought was an evening function at the church which turned out to be a 50th party for me! That was so lovely of them and it made the milestone of turning 50 a little easier too.

Recently I have been aware that I have had more time on this earth than I have left. I've been doing things like signing up for an over 50's plan to help pay for my funeral. I have reached the age when you start thinking about these kind of things and taking stock.

I will be 52 on Tuesday which means that I have 15 years left in ministry before the mandatory retirement age of 67. I need to make these 15 years count, I cannot afford to waste a day of them!

I don't see being 52 as a negative thing, quite the reverse, I have a lifetime of experience, made a lot of mistakes and got a few things right.

I have 15 years to do His Will, Serve Him in any way He sees fit. It doesn't matter about my health issues because He has always ensured that I am able to carry out what ever He wants me to do, when He wants me to do it. I have absolute faith that by His grace, that will continue to be the case.

I don't know what the Lord has planned for me over the next 15 years, where He will send me or how He will use me. I do know it will be wonderful, how could it be otherwise, being in relationship with Jesus, listening to the Holy Spirit and seeking the Will of the Father. The next chapter in my life, my 15 years as an ordained minister starts on my birthday and the gifts that God gives us are eternal; so we can again return to the eager anticipation and excitement of being childlike when we are adults having a birthday.

May you be richly blessed and if you have a birthday this month too, Happy Birthday to you also.

Parkinsons & Me

 Having lived with Migraines for over thirty years and Cluster Headaches for around four or five, I thought that I had my fair share of ailments to cope with. Oddly the effect the conditions have on others, especially Kerry my wife, bothers me more than the pain I go through.

    For myself, I have found it gives me empathy with others who are suffering, an understanding of their pain and an understanding to a point of what they are going through. This is a good thing as a Pastor and through God's grace it has never interfered with my church work.

    In the latter part of 2015 I started to notice a problem with my left arm and left had. My left arm was always fatigued and starting to ache and my left hand wasn't behaving itself. The index finger would stop, freeze if you like, for a few seconds then start working again normally. When I played the piano my left hand couldn't keep up with my right hand, it was lagging behind. It was looking like the time would soon come when I would have to give up playing keyboard instruments altogether. So what, some of you may say, for me, after a lifetime of being a pianist, church organist and in latter years playing worship music for church this was devastating.

    I was referred to a neurologist at Peterborough who thought I may be demonstrating early signs of Parkinson. I was prescribed a Parkinson's medication with a review in December on the basis that if it helped the diagnosis would be confirmed. If the medication had no effect then we would have to look at other options.

    I decided to keep the number of people who knew about this to a minimum as after all, it may not be Parkinsons.

   The medication did help my left hand and after 4-6 weeks my index finger started behaving and by the start of Advent I was confident enough to use the keyboard for church and my left hand behaved. My diagnosis was confirmed at Peterborough in December and I am to have access to a Parkinson's nurse.

    I have visited our local Parkinson's support group, here in March, and they are a great bunch of people. I admit that for the last two months I have avoided going because I am not yet ready to accept what I am to become. I have spent time there with people whose's condition is far more advanced than mine, and I have seen what lies in store for me. I need a little time to accept this and to be honest I am still finding it difficult to talk about.

    I haven't dealt with a few things as well as I should have, I wanted to tell my daughter about it over Christmas but couldn't bring myself to do it. In the end I told her during a text conversation which was very wrong of me and I am still upset about doing that, she deserved better from her father.

    You see no matter who we are or what we do for a living, we are all human and all make mistakes.

    My wife has gone through so much watching me suffer with my other conditions, helpless thinking she can't do anything about it, and now this on top of everything else. The fact that she cares about me enough to have the feelings about all this that she does is of help to me. 

    I am very fortunate, I have a loving and caring wife and despite me getting things wrong, children that care about me - And of course I have the unfailing love of the heavenly Father and my faith in God.

www.parkinsons.org.uk