Having lived with Migraines for over thirty years and Cluster Headaches for around four or five, I thought that I had my fair share of ailments to cope with. Oddly the effect the conditions have on others, especially Kerry my wife, bothers me more than the pain I go through.
For myself, I have found it gives me empathy with others who are suffering, an understanding of their pain and an understanding to a point of what they are going through. This is a good thing as a Pastor and through God's grace it has never interfered with my church work.
In the latter part of 2015 I started to notice a problem with my left arm and left had. My left arm was always fatigued and starting to ache and my left hand wasn't behaving itself. The index finger would stop, freeze if you like, for a few seconds then start working again normally. When I played the piano my left hand couldn't keep up with my right hand, it was lagging behind. It was looking like the time would soon come when I would have to give up playing keyboard instruments altogether. So what, some of you may say, for me, after a lifetime of being a pianist, church organist and in latter years playing worship music for church this was devastating.
I was referred to a neurologist at Peterborough who thought I may be demonstrating early signs of Parkinson. I was prescribed a Parkinson's medication with a review in December on the basis that if it helped the diagnosis would be confirmed. If the medication had no effect then we would have to look at other options.
I decided to keep the number of people who knew about this to a minimum as after all, it may not be Parkinsons.
The medication did help my left hand and after 4-6 weeks my index finger started behaving and by the start of Advent I was confident enough to use the keyboard for church and my left hand behaved. My diagnosis was confirmed at Peterborough in December and I am to have access to a Parkinson's nurse.
I have visited our local Parkinson's support group, here in March, and they are a great bunch of people. I admit that for the last two months I have avoided going because I am not yet ready to accept what I am to become. I have spent time there with people whose's condition is far more advanced than mine, and I have seen what lies in store for me. I need a little time to accept this and to be honest I am still finding it difficult to talk about.
I haven't dealt with a few things as well as I should have, I wanted to tell my daughter about it over Christmas but couldn't bring myself to do it. In the end I told her during a text conversation which was very wrong of me and I am still upset about doing that, she deserved better from her father.
You see no matter who we are or what we do for a living, we are all human and all make mistakes.
My wife has gone through so much watching me suffer with my other conditions, helpless thinking she can't do anything about it, and now this on top of everything else. The fact that she cares about me enough to have the feelings about all this that she does is of help to me.
I am very fortunate, I have a loving and caring wife and despite me getting things wrong, children that care about me - And of course I have the unfailing love of the heavenly Father and my faith in God.
A very open and honest post, Adrian x
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